NBT: The Lesbian

Dear Friends,
Without  wanting to be arrogant and boastful but plainly assertive as Bala Pillai is now recommending and advocating,  I want to mention that the introduction of Access Testing is the most important event in Psychology in recent times. It has  made the scientific investigations of the unconscious possible within the framework of Hermeneutic Science, the science most suited to study the human mind. With this we also recover the very ancient and essentially Eastern Psychological Tradition  that UNDERSTANDS even the religious experiences of mankind as belonging to the field of Hermeneutic Science and thus snatching it away from the clutches of vainglorious and often arrogant theologians. Now we have a tool to UNDERSTAND the human being , bring about an UNDERSTANDING of SELF that is free of propaganda , indoctrination and induction into one's own petty ideologies and theologies. Certainly it is slow in catching up but definite progress is being made if the number of people who have begun to appreciate the enormous relevance of Access Testing is anything to go by at all.

In this paper I want to describe an encounter I had and the insights I gained about a young woman well on her way towards becoming  a Lesbian. I have met a number of Homosexuals , lesbians and transvestites but this young woman was outstanding in her stubbornness and the challenges she presented to me as a counselor.  When she came to see me, I immediately noticed that 'she' is a man but in a female body,   something she very much loathes.  There was an attendant boldness  , lack of gentleness softness etc. As I gave her the test and later related to her the meanings , more and more of her personality unfolded itself and as she started to tell  me the biographic details, I began to understand  the origins of her dilemmas better. The Baums she drew were as follows:

A:  A tree of average size with regularly and symmetrically placed branches on either side  without any natural looking leaves or fruits but with circles, squares and triangles with  sizes suitable to pass off for leaves and fruits.

B. The trunk is clear but cone-like. The crown is also cone shaped with zigzag contours  with small branches breaking into sub-branches  sticking out on either side the trunk. More branches on the right side than the left. The tip is  very cloudy with circular lines all over.

C. This Baum was the strangest. Two LINGAMS in the shape of thumbs the one on the left slightly larger than the one on the right. The larger one also has a creeper with round leaves and fruits climbing over it. The one on the right t is left bare , with no decorations. at all. Both are drawn almost at the bottom.

D. Just a sea anemone-like figure drawn almost at the bottom of the page.

The meanings are as follows. 'A' represents her happy past , her school days in which she was very active and had a lot of friends. However the recent past,  as disclosed in B shows  her  as a very aggressive and masculine  with definite lesbian tendencies. She finds herself admiring and dreaming about some of feminine looking friends and because of which she became  very unpopular. Her friends talked ill of her and kept themselves away from her unwilling to become partners to her lesbian advances. This in turn made her very miserable as indicated by the Dark Clouds at the tip of  the crown and which in fact made her come and see me.

The Baum C is definitely very advanced growth of masculine tendencies in her and which makes her pine for female company,  love and even sexual relationships using some modern gadgetry which are available in the shopping complexes. The Baum D is a dream image , swimming in Dirty Waters with disease bringing sea-anemones.

As I related to her the meanings, she gradually admitted her strong lesbian tendencies and the kind of problems she is facing because of that. It is true that her friends have deserted her and she has not met anyone who is willing to love her in the lesbian. fashion. One hopeful candidate also abandoned  her saying that it  is very unnatural and she is not prepared to go along with it. In fact she had told her that it was disgusting and a sickness of a kind which made her very very miserable and made wonder why all these problems for in life.

She came for counseling NOT TO LISTEN to me but to get confirmation that she is in the right and that she is NOT abnormal etc. as her friends are telling her directly and indirectly. She understands her Lesbian nature and wants to live with it  as such and if she cannot find a partner to share her love, she is prepared to spend the rest of her life in loneliness  hoping one day someone will respond positively. But I told her that her Baum D means a life of sickness and that if she pursues her desires without amending it , she may end up a very sick person suffering from all kinds of infectious diseases. But she  wouldn't listen and in fact she told me that she will NEVER draw the  yantras- the alchemical  diagrams --   as prescribed for her to bring out the feminine side of her.  She is happy as she is and she doesn 't want to be  feminine at all. It is at this point that the secret came out. Right from the day she was born, it turned out that both her Father and Mother loathed her for being a girl. The  parents were happy only with the boys and her presence was not at all recognized. She was not shown any love at all and was considered a burden, something that was made very clear to herself also. Worst still was when she had a quarrel with her brothers, she was always chided and scolded by the parents even when she was in the right.  The worst was she was bullied and insulted severely by her brothers and she was totally helpless against them. She could not fight back for her rights because she knew that whatever it is her parents will justify her brothers and NOT her. Thus one day in her early teens, unable to contain anymore all these miseries, she locked herself up inside a store room and came out after several hours with a new determination. Henceforth she will ignore her parents and brothers , establish a psychic fissure with them  and redouble her efforts in her studies so that would become an independent person. But unfortunately and unconsciously, it was this decision that made her to develop the MASCULINE side her and bury deep down the feminine and which after ten years or so has made her what she is today.
There was a pause and both of us took sometime to ponder over this piece of information that has made her what she is. She was adamant that what she is in fact what she wants to be and there is nothing wrong with it and that I should not try to change her; she is NOT prepared to change. It is at this point that I came strongly assertive.  I told her that as a Hermeneutic Counselor I am NOT here to reinforce her wishes but rather make her UNDERSTAND the origins of her dilemmas and the possible consequences  that awaits her as her possibilities. The Baum D is peculiarly important for it depicts what is waiting for her as her future if she follows the pattern of activities as in C. The actions X, such as those in C, bring  about the consequences Y such as those in D. If the consequences are GOOD then the present course of actions are also good and can continued.  But since it is not so in your case,  I am duty bound to tell you the TRUTH, make you SEE that and through that PERSUADE you to change. It is after repeating this several times and believing that it is possible to bring out the Feminine in her that she volunteered to try to practice the alchemical diagrams, or the yantras that I recommended for this purpose.

At 08:27 PM 07-09-99 +1000, you wrote:
Dr Loga,

Don't know if this is a fair question - do let me know if it is not.  Would
your advice have been different if in D the Baum images were much more
positive, i.e. where say D indicates a clear and deep (not shallow or
contrived)  ability for her to be lesbian?

sydney, australia

Dear Bala,
Thanks for your question and certainly it is fair. It helps me to clarify some issues about Hermenenutic Counseling. You see the logic is :  As X as in Baum C  results in  Y as in Baum D and if the meaning of D is certainly positive, then  my  advise will be: okay, go ahead as you are; I have no grounds to make you change even though my gut feelings and my personal value system is against it. This has happened several times while I was counseling the  university students especially females including Indians. You know premarital sexual relationships are not allowed among Indians. But there are girls in the twenties who have s steady boyfriend and have regular sexual relationships and BECAUSE of which they are HAPPY and study well. What binds them together is real LOVE and they are already married in a way even though the public ritual announcing it to the world has not taken place.   Noting the immenses complexity of the Human Mind I stand respectfully outside the process allowing the  Unconscious within  or more specifically the Trancendental Collective Unconscious (=God?) guide them along. I let the Tao or the Dance guide them along reserving for me only the role of interpreting the process and making the person understand it.

I hope this satisfies you. Don't hesitate to ask further. I 'll try my best to clarify them and also learn further in the process.